clueless

the other day i made another poor decision.

& today i find myself once more

in the shoe store over on prince street

& some other avenue or street. 

it seems that now

i don’t like the shoes that, after all,

i handpicked after careful consideration

during my lunch break: 

either on monday or tuesday.

it seems that now i would like 

to exchange them for a different pair:

except,

except that now that i’m less doubtful

about what i want

they don’t have my size

& i don’t want to settle this time or the next 

for choice # 2 or choice # 3, 

despite everything nowadays 

requiring so much energy, 

so much enthusiasm,

so many unpaid or unacknowledged after-hours. 

“i’m sorry but we don’t have them 

in stock,” they tell me 

with a rehearsed smile, 

after going to the back again just to make sure.

thus  i get a refund & ask the manager

to give me a buzz

if in a week or 2 my shoe size comes in

with their new shipment. 

for after 14 days i can’t promise anyone

let alone my feet

that i still will have the dough

to buy them, to painfully break them in:

money, too, being, 

like so many other things in my life,

scarce resource,

time-sensitive material.

the other day i threw my old pair away.

      

c. a. campos, 2011