smoke & mirrors

i get a kick out of making others go to the dictionary,
go to google or to wikipedia,
out of finding my niche off the books,
in the everyday, commonplace acts of daydreaming,
of sugarcoating most of life
even though i’m no fan of sugar, no fan of sci-fi

i get a kick out of counting the last pages of a read,
out of keeping an eye on the sake, on the flesh,
on the moon whenever sleep is of no help
so as to make sure that the moon isn’t contemplating
jetting out on the ocean,
jetting out on some lunatic because of medication

i get a kick out of being a prick, in other words,
out of making any yes come across as a no,
out of making myself unapproachable, untranslatable,
out of doing what’s asked & expected
so that later on in life it’ll be less of a chance
of others interrupting me,
of others noticing the rabbit hole in the wall

i get a kick out of improvisation, out of songs
that are lowered little by little so as to simulate an ending,
so as to cover the fact that the musician wasn’t able
to work out an ending,
work out a compromise with what he or she
had promised to deliver,
had promised to work on after the performance

i get a kick out of not knowing how to explain pain
to a doctor, how to explain conformity to a dream,
out of rereading & or multiple listening experiences
since it takes so much to convince me,
for me to approve any reasonable course of action

c. a. campos, 2012