after the facts

 

against what's advised on tv, i try some maneuvers at home,

i turn the lights off & stay awake

in an effort to become my own source of light,

i make an example of my excess by showering & exposing my filth,

i hack into the soul although the heart rats me out,

although reason acts

as if it doesn't know me when i'm found out,

i turn the tv off & equidistant from love, from hate,

from the opening & closing credits of a foreign film 

i exeleutherostomize

& get tired of my scruples, of not being able to malinger,

i get tired of the wishing, of having to make it all up as i go

 

 

c. a. campos, 2013