in jest & recurrent

you start with the future, with the hope-meter doing flips & somersaults,

& you end up with the past as your main course,

as your main discourse

you end up with an outrageous bill as your birthday present,

with the leftovers or your present tense in a doggy bag 

carefully handed over to you by a smiling waitress 

who’s expecting a thank you, 

twenty percent of what you have badly spent before you hit the road, 

before you hurt yourself

*

you start with fair weather & snowy mountains to climb, to fall from, 

with repulsion, attraction, 

& you end up with the keys to an older car model, 

managing a condition, managing an addiction in your spare time, 

& settling for porn, settling for sex

*

you start with make-believe, recreational drugs, 

with others swearing that they make you happy

& you counting on making them less unhappy

with your outside of the box ingenuity, your own brand of bullshit

& you end up contradicting & repeating yourself, or with echolalia,  

with countless uncomfortable private moments

& so many people to consider, to send to hell  

c. a. campos, 2012